By Andy, founder
You've found a profile you like. Now comes the bit most of us dread: the first message. Plenty of people know exactly what they'd chat about over a coffee, but an empty message box is another matter. The good news is that a great first message is short, friendly and easy to write. Here's what works.
Skip the plain "Hi"
"Hi" or "How are you?" gives the other person nothing to work with. They have to do all the work of starting the conversation, and a lot of people simply won't. A message that shows you've actually read their profile stands out straight away, and it tells them you're interested in them rather than just anyone.
Pick one thing from their profile
Read their profile properly and choose one detail that caught your eye. Then ask about it.
- "I see you love the Botanic Garden. Have you a favourite time of year to go?"
- "Your photo on Portobello prom made me smile. Are you a sea swimmer, or more of a coffee on the sand person?"
- "You mentioned you're working your way round the Pentlands. Which hill has had the best view so far?"
One detail and one question is plenty. You're opening a conversation, not writing a letter.
Ask questions that are easy to answer
Open questions are good, but keep them light. "What's your idea of a perfect Sunday in Edinburgh?" is fun to answer. "What are you looking for in life?" is a lot to take on from a stranger. Save the big questions for when you know each other a little better.
And share a bit back. If you ask about their favourite walk, mention yours too. It makes the conversation feel like a chat rather than an interview.
Keep it warm and simple
- Short is good. Two or three sentences is about right.
- Be yourself. If you're a bit dry or a bit daft, let it show.
- Go easy on looks. A kind word about a lovely smile is fine, but anything more personal can wait.
- No copy and paste. People can tell when the same message has gone to twenty profiles.
- Read it back. A quick check before you send catches the odd typo.
If you're on a free membership you can send a limited number of messages each day, so it's worth making each one count.
Be patient with replies
Not everyone replies straight away. People work, look after family, or only check their messages in the evening. If you don't hear back after a few days, try not to take it personally, and don't send a string of follow ups. One gentle nudge is fine. After that, move on with a smile. The right person will be glad you said hello.
Moving things forward, safely
When the chat is flowing, there's no rush to swap numbers. Keep talking on Go Edinburgh Dating until you feel comfortable, and look out for the verified badge...ID verification is free for every member. Never send money to someone you haven't met, however good the story.
When you're both ready, suggest something simple: a coffee...then a walk if it's going well. Our first date ideas in Edinburgh have plenty of inspiration, and our guide to dating safely covers the rest.
Haven't found anyone to message yet? Have a look at singles near you. Someone in your part of Edinburgh might be waiting for a friendly hello.
- messaging
- tips
- edinburgh
